the darkness

stand in silence
wait
feel the light creep away
from you
let darkness embrace you
caress your very soul

nice design? i think so too... its better than the last one at least... haha... anyway...
ITS NOT FUNNY

all i want is someone to hold in my arms... for a long long time...

seriously... i cannot sit down and do any work... not at this point of time... 2 nights back... i received an email from tania the project group leader... and i started getting short of breath... i was clearly upset... and it was at 1am in the morning... i was already going to bed after talking to sean... but that certainly screwed me up... i guess its me being a brat again... but i'm just quite upset about why we have to do such tedious work when we don't even know whether the direction we are going in is the right one... so i told her i wldnt do it... she wldnt budge... which is how she always is... the truth is i'm partly upset because she did not discuss wif the rest of the group how many surveys we actually need... and neither did we go talk to albert toh about the direction we shud go... which was what we were supposed to do... so now her majesty has decreed we shall go survey 200 people in 3 days and then sit down and write the thing out in a day... ok... if thats what she wants...

but fuck that issue...

i'll just do whatever i want...

my right heel is hurting like mad for the last few days... dunno wats it all about though... cld be some muscle injury or sumthing... but it just started so abruptly so i dunno... its still hurting now... ah fuck it... it will get well by itself... same way the fever came and left... same with the diarrhoea ( i still dunno how to spell this word! )...

actually i'm started to get very disillusioned about the whole church going experience... its all become some form of entertainment for me... in the past i used to get so touched and all... but its getting numb... maybe its due to the whole psychology thing... being too analytical... the whole "give more than you can... let god impress upon you how much to give"... a whole load of bull i say... its bloody uncomfortable to me... i'm still a seeing is believing person... especially after how that fucking bastard lied to me... i dun trust anything that i can't see for myself... maybe this sort of church isnt right for me...

sean baby has been posted to a stay-in camp... guess it will be weekend meetings again... but i dunno whether he'll get posted overseas... if he does... hmm... i dunno... guess its fate then... but its going on so well now... i wldn't want it to end b4 its even gotten started...