morbid

adj.
1a. Of, relating to, or caused by disease; pathological or diseased.
b. Psychologically unhealthy or unwholesome: “He suffered much from a morbid acuteness of
the senses” (Edgar Allan Poe).
2. Characterized by preoccupation with unwholesome thoughts or feelings: read the account of
the murder with a morbid interest.
3. Gruesome; grisly.

---

ok.. its been a long time since i sat down and write serious stuff... the whole study week and rest week has been one hell of a mess... 1 test that i didn't study enough for... projects that are half done... assignments that are half done... since the new year started, i just haven't been able to really sit down and do work... the mind just isn't in the correct... err... mindset... to work... its like i'm more interested in doing other things... more interesting things... all the business plans and stuff like that are not getting completed... more interest in feature writing and photography... even psychology is taking a back seat... although i'm soo interested in psychology in the past.. it just doesn't seem to get any attention from me...

my mum isn't feeling well... i was thinking about it all night... the whole "what would i do if something happened to my mum" thought... then it became how i'd kill myself if something happened to her... do i do it before the funeral is organised so the others can organise a "1 for 1" thing... or after i complete the whole funeral... then kill myself... so much to consider... its just something to think about...

then thinking about that... how about when i'm old? wld i rather live alone and old... or kill myself when i've had everything that i needed to do... lookin at the ways things are going... plus my changing personality... which is getting from bad to worse... i'd become a difficult person to live with... and being so difficult... wld i ever have someone to live with?

after the bastard bf of mine lied to me... right now... everything i hear becomes, by default, a lie... ok... little things i can still believe... but those "relationship" thingies that i hear... i'd rather not believe until i have proof... solid proof that i'm being told the truth... all this paranoia is really killing me... and its making me really afraid of getting into a full blown relationship... i'm like SCARED of being in a relationship... afraid of being cheated on... afraid of being lied to... afraid to go through the whole honeymoon then fighting phase... and eventually the "break up"... its all too painful a cycle to go through...

dating is fine... i'm enjoying sean's company a whole lot... but then... its almost confirmed that he will be posted overseas for his ns... which may be a year or more... i guess its all predestined... things to happen this way... if that's how it is... i will have to accept it...

seriously.. i think my brain is really screwed up... getting weaker... i definitely wasn't this way last year... i'm not sure if the schizoid thing is back... or has it gotten worse... they say people who have mental problems don't know that they have... any psychiatrist can comment on that?

ok... i'm running out of juices... shan't write... got stuff to do today

1. get ties
2. get wallet which i saw tomorrow
3. watch movie with sean
4. wait for sean (if he wans to go to his fren's bdae)
5. quiet time
6. plan what time to do work for the next 2 days

anyway... just remembered...
i hope to be able to collect some watches when i'm able to and i have come up with some watches that i want to get... the tag being the cheapest... haha


tag heuer carrera chronograph

omega railmaster

glashutte original panomaticlunar

bovet sportster chronograph