crashing!

non stop psycho-ing!
help!
crashing!
waka waka waka!

when there's no one else...

i'm not that unhappy these days... i've probably gotten into my head the fact that i'm better off single... gotten use to being single and all... been really really caught up with my work that it's not that strong a feeling anymore... this week has really been crazy...

monday... watched a video on some "buffaloes and geese" management video... and alberto wanted us to write a paper on it... and i did... overnight... 1413 words... i guess i was the first to hand it in... coz i was the first to get the book from the library... only 1 stupid copy... passed it on to cheryl and petrina...

tuesday... nothing much... can't remember actually...

wednesday... psycho tutorial... on abnormal psychology... mental disorders... and i was like "abnormality personified"... kept changing my accents and all... being the usual fool i am... then had to discuss how to do the project thats due this week... along with the presentation... we have done zilch.. its crazy... then kwee hoon rejected my pictures again... so pissed was i that i went home and took my camera and marched up sheares bridge... finished an entire roll of film and the last shot was the only shot that came out beautiful... at the moment i took the photo, i knew it was the one... and it was almost perfect... look at the previous entry...

thursday... lectures... then i dun remember what happened... oh ya... wanted to study for psychology test but ended up leaving for home... slept from 4 till 10... read a little and went to sleep again...

friday... tutorials... damn hot day... after tat went home to start on psychology... memorised ALL the mcq quizzes... tried to read through my incomplete notes... read a little of the textbook... i am so unprepared...

saturday... psycho test... the invigilator was the japanese lecturer... cute japanese woman... i thought she was HOT! maaybe i'm just desperate for japanese food... was craving for sushi today... but anyway... at the start of the paper she went "DOOZO STARTO!" ... hahhaha... so japanese... after tat we went to petrina's place... was longing to jump into her swimming pool... then we all went to duty free shop in orchard... i am soooo eyeing that 2litre bottle of chivas regal... absolutely gorgeous!... had korean food for dinner... lousy stuff... and started getting nauseas... must be the irregular meal hours again... so i wanted to walk to cafe iguana instead... din wan to squeeze in the trains... might vomit.... the girls were so nice... walked wif me... but petrina and michelle (resident taitais) went to the train instead... but me ame and cheryl reached there earlier!... talk abt slowwww... we ordered tortilla chips, a jug of lime margarita and a jug of mango margarita... cheryl the traitor was supposed to share the lime one with me... she ended up switching to mango... i had to finish the bulk of the lime... and tat made my stomach worse... so i chose to walk home instead... was a nice clear night anyway... so enjoyed the long walk back... was singing and dancing the whole way back to the song u're hearing now... hip!

picturezzz

havent been updating... been real busy with stuff...
today's psychology test was very screwed up...
i don't expect to pass it... went out with cheryl, pet, michelle, joanna and ame...
ended up at sarah's workplace... and had a fun time drinking...
then had a nice long walk home... i'll do more detailed updating tmrw when i'm free...
but here are some pictures taken recently...

these two were taken with an "overlapping" effect... multiple shots in a single frame... finally figured out that little switch thingie on the camera... guess who are on the 2nd photograph... and spot them...





for night photography assignment




my submission... and my best work to date... :)

term paper

I GOT A-!
AND I WON HIM!
MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

tres bien! oui!

picturezzz

as we embark on our journey, we can't help but be amazed by the majestic beauty of mount krakatoa... one of the greatest active volcanoes in earth... from this satellite pictures, it looks as if the mountain may erupt very soon... watch this space for the greatest moment in national geographic history...



after cinderella left prince charming (that two timing bastard)... she decided that glass slippers are definitely out of her wardrove repertoire.. hence she has gone for sleek black leather court shoes instead... however, due to national laws, prince charming does not have to pay alimony (his father is the law after all)... so poor cinderella has to wear her evil stepmother's shoes instead...

?

why do i just keep letting myself get hurt?
i waited and waited... knowing what to expect...
and i got it...

love? actually...

ok... yes i drank a little rum... wat's left anyway... its less than 1 shot... but here's something to talk about...

i was out with ame, cher, pet to take photos... but remembered there's nothing to take on weekends coz the offices are empty and the lights are not pretty... anyway... we went to talk to monica's dad for their project and ended up having free dinner at monica dad's restaurant... fantastic north indian cuisine... then they left and i went to take some night shots...

so there i was walking alone with a tripod and camera and taking photos... did fullerton, ACM, the new art house at parliament, supreme court... and then i decided to go to fort canning to take some more before heading home...

when i got there... i heard some really loud talking... then i walked up and found there was an fair held by the british council... most of the stalls have closed but there was a crowd there still... and they were screening "love actually" on this huge screen on the lawn and there were so many people watching... i guess the show was on for quite a while already... they were at the part where that fella was buying jewelry from rowan atkinson... so i stayed and watched the show... occasionally looking at the countless couples snuggling up on the lawn...

i caught that part that touched me the most... the part where the guy confesses to keira knightly that he loved her... it touched me the first time i watched it... and it still affected me so much tonight... then i thought... if there was someone i'd want to confess to now... who would i confess to? or did i have anyone to confess to now?

so tonight.. i will confess my love right here...

the girlfriends

Geraldine
My first girlfriend... geri... i loved you with all my heart when we were together... it hurt when you had to leave... and my loneliness got the better of me... and i'm so thankful that you were magnanimous enough to forgive me... every single thought that we had together about spending the rest of our lives with one another was true... but my insecurities got the better of me in the end... i'm sorry it had to end just because i wanted to try and live another life... i pray that everything goes well for you now... i'll always be here if you need me...

Caiying
2nd girlfriend... like you said... it wasn't the right time... it wasn't the right time because we were both recovering from a relationship... mine perhaps a little worse than yours... i probably wasn't ready to put everything into a relationship again... dealing with the last one before you was really tiring... i'm sorry too for having to end it... i'm glad for you that your work is working out now... i do hope everything goes well for you...

the crushes

leona
she was my secondary school classmate's girlfriend... i never thought that she was attractive in the first place... she wore specs and was always covered under her MGS uniform... then i heard her voice... i've always had this thing for sexy husky voices... and she had the most alluring voice i've heard so far (then)... then i started to talk to her on the phone at night... for hours and hours... behind his back... we shared so many things in common... he didn't know that we were chatting so closely at all... whenever we went out in a group... they were always so close... and i felt so miserable... especially when he showed off the love bites and all... and i was feeling so upset during that period... then one day another classmate of mine told her to choose... and she chose him... shattered as i was... i held on those feelings for her for a good 3 years... then she left for the US and i never heard from her again...

claudia
she was a classmate back in jc... i always thought that she was the sophisticated and untouchable one... then a few years after jc... we sort of started chatting again online... that was after i started to opening up more... i thought i had something for her... it was always a great feeling to be around her... i was working then so i guess i just gave her my attention since i was trying to forget the bastard ex-bf of mine... the whole closeness i had gave me the feeling that i was having a crush on her... and that she was accepting me... i often bought her flowers... gifts... and organised a nice little birthday dinner for her... she appreciated all that i did... but i guess i'm not the type of guy that she wants and needs... so close friend is still good enough for me...

v
definitely just a crush... coz i just felt so happy with her around... then it just started to fade away when the new semester started... i fall for people way too easily...


as for the boyfriends? well they weren't so much relationships that dealt with love more than lust and the need for companionship... especially after the bastard exbf of mine... i have been really afraid to get into anything serious with guys... dating is all fine for me.. but to commit that much again with a guy is too tiring for me... the last 2 guys that i thought i could commit again with... ryan and sean... all ended up being wrong decisions... one is a boy who did not know what he wanted... one was too nonchalant to even end the damn thing... so i don't care anymore... i don't want to get into another gay relationship...

neither do i want to be alone... i do want someone to be with... but i am so afraid of not being able to give everything to that person... bsides... the girls i have around me are either those listed above... or little kiddies who call me "ah gong"... like i have a choice... haha... i hate to be alone coz when i am i just start to get all sad and depressive... so i juz try to surround myself with my classmates as much as i could...

so there i was watching love actually alone tonight... feeling all lonely because everyone else had someone in their arms... even the single guys have a friend with them... and i just felt that i wanted to have someone but at the same time i'm getting too accustomed to being by myself... then i started to crave for a beer... haha...and i was so inspired to write this... so wanted to get it all out... so wanting to write huge cards and confess to someone that "i love you"... because i just don't know who i can say those 3 words to again...

the last scene of the show... where pple were hugging and kissing their loved ones... u'll never see that in singapore... not anywhere on this island... coz we are just frigid... no one dares to show their feelings coz we're all too fucking oriental... all too fucking frigid... yes frigid... coz we all are... we all lack love because we don't express it... and we don't feel it... this island is too cold and frigid...

love that word... frigid!

yes leave ur comments below... pls nothing about god's love... its too surreal a concept for me to accept now...

horoscope for the day

The New Moon in headstrong Aries emphasizes your material needs, but keep an eye on your emotional ones as well. If you lose sight of them to facilitate a co-production -- or make to it easier for somebody else to function -- you may score points elsewhere, but (not so brilliant) lose sight of what you really want.

LC1

isn't it gorgeous!?!?!


check it out here

picturezzz

i call it "journey home"

picturezzz

cher and jo after their haircuts... nice rite?

fatiguezzzzz

i am so tired now... my eyes feel like shutting alreadi... but i'm not sleepy... just tired... today has been a really tiring day... well it started quite lousy anyway...

was really tired last nite... but had lotsa fun at the karaoke... so came home... drank my cough syrup and went to sleep... slept real deeply then i started to had this really weird dream... dreamt that someone close was going away... dreamt about my dad... then someone left and i was crying in my sleep again... and ended up crying in bed in the early morning hours... woke up and managed to get to school on time for journalism... din realli prepare much for the assignment but crapped a 1100 word article about how to choose a used car... pretty standard stuff...

went out with cher and pet to go take some photos... and as usual it started to rain and all... ended up going to the guan yin temple near bugis and took photos in the drizzle... then this freaky chinese old fella came up and started shouting at cher to "NOT TAKE PHOTOS OF ME OR I'LL SNATCH YOUR CAMERA AND SMASH IT..." talk about threatening... so we walked off... and secret took a photo of him... haha.. bastard... maybe he doesn't have a soul or is an illegal immigrant... who knows... he'll get his just desserts one day... we ought to call the police and get him arrested...

rushed back to school to have a meeting wif the IT guys at 5... tania msged to say DON"T BE LATE... well it ended up with me and darren being on time and the rest were late... reason? they went to print the business plan... hmm y never print during th 4 hour break? hahahaha nvm la... so looked at the software again... then left for ppsycho lecture... abnormal psychology... sounds like me alright... i could identify with so many stuff... hahahaha... yes i'm abnormal...

came home... gastric... giddy... ate... watched tv... showered... and here i am... going to go finish the ice cream and then go sleep...

picturezzz

here are some fotos i found in my fone... havent had the time to upload them... here they are... was at karaoke today... haha... sang so many songs... fun fun fun
but BROKE BROKE BROKE...
wonder who can i make a deal wif to get $100million dollars in return?
or be a professional assassin?






shoot them bastard ex bfs of mine

marfan syndrome

The Marfan syndrome is a medical condition and is classified as a heritable disorder of connective tissue. Connective tissue (including the extra-cellular matrix) is the glue and the scaffolding of the body, but is important in many more functions as well, such as development before birth, growth after birth, cushioning of joints, and enabling passage of light through the eye. All organs contain connective tissue, and the manifestations of the Marfan syndrome appear in many parts of the body, especially in the bones and ligaments (the skeletal system), the eyes (the ocular system), the heart and blood vessels (the cardiovascular system), the lungs (the pulmonary system), and the fibrous membrane covering the brain and spinal cord (the nervous system). The condition is named after a French pediatrician, Antoine Marfan, who in 1896 described a 5-year-old girl whose arms, legs, fingers and toes were disproportionately long and thin, whose muscle development was poor, and whose spine curved abnormally. Subsequent physicians described other patients with similar skeletal changes as well as eye problems. By the early part of the Twentieth Century, as a form of medical shorthand, Marfan's name became commonly used to refer to individuals who seemed to be affected by this condition.

berfdae

EVERYBODY!
TODAY MARKS THE END OF MY SISTER'S TEENAGE YEARS!
SHE IS OFFICIALLY 20 YEARS OF OLD!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER!

fin

yes its finally finished... 2500 painstaking words of pure bullshit... maybe i can finally sleep tonight without having all those ideas of how to write the paper clogging my brain up... anyway... special thanks to ms hoo, khimmy and the temasek polytechnic library for your assistance on the completion of this miracle... 2 days... that's a damn good record... but hopefully the paper did not go out of point... or looked too crappy... it seemed alright though... i so don't want to fail mmp and have to repeat it next year... i'd rather die or drop out... whichever is less painful...

"i love the way you moooove..."

andrew smsed me today... asking if i was alright wif the whole sean incident... its so sweet of him to ask... i told him i'm fine... coz i am... when i was realli going mad a few days back... zhenglong was really worried about me... haha... he's such a sweet kid too... everyone's so sweet... the ribena i'm having is kinda sweet too... but it still tastes a little bland because i cant taste anything with this damn flu still lingering... last 2 doses for the antibiotics and flu pills... but there's still so much phelgm inside... kenji just smsed me... he's also been real nice... asking if i wanted anything to eat or if i was feeling better... but a little naggy la... haha...

i'm finally catching up with work that i'm supposed to do... but still have to do more for psychology... percomm is becoming quite fun... i was going to fall asleep last nite when i suddenly had an idea for how i'm going to start the percomm presentation... haha... just watch out for it...

tat kweengnhoon wans to see the negative for our pics.... frigid woman... we juz used the same camera for our shots... FREEEEGEEEED...

anyway.. tomoro goin to try and take more shots...and need to get blank CDRs...
and i am so broke now...

oh... the rain was so freaky today... i was walking back when the sky started to turn RED.... yes red... not black or grey.... RED... and lightning started to flash very very close to my block... so it got really scary... it has never looked so bad before... plus the fact that i'm the same height as that footballer who died recently from a freak lightning accident... walked really quickly... darting from block to block... thankfully got home before the real show started... it was soooo freaky...

sick

yes i am sick... caught a cold i think... been feeling a little *sniffling* since morning...and after our attempt to do shots of wakeboarders... it got worse... and by dinner... my nose was flowing like the rivers that timberlake cried... anyway... we managed to get our action shots... THANKFULLY the sky opened up at the last minute and the sun shone thru... beautiful... i tried to do the shots on shore while jolene and cher went on the boat to get the shots... mine all became underexposed coz the damn sch lens din work on my camera... but we managed to get a few shots from the boat... so that's settled... NOT going to show Queen Frigid coz its juz pointless to show her... but then 5 of us will have very similar pictures... hahaha.. wat to do? no choice la...

have to do the term paper REALLY soon...
i think i'll do managing formula 1 as an entertainment business... or soemthing like that...

do u think tat pple fall sick easier when they're sad?

picturezzz

search for tears 2

that's all i've got left?

search for tears

i can count the number of tears i've shed tonight
5

feelings... nothing more than feelings...

i told myself i shan't get hurt again... but it just seems i can't help it... haha... i'm getting closer and closer to becoming an emotional wreck... well here's the story...

i guess if u've been reading a lot of my crap... u'd know abt my last bastard bf... all about him lying to me about his entire background and life and all... and mebeing all trusting and naive enough to believe all his lies for a good 2 years plus...i went thru that one experience but it seems that there isn't proper closure... though i did punch him in the stomach and all... maybe its the clothes that hegave me... they're still with me... (sidenote: gaudy ralph lauren long sleeve shirts with horrendous designs for give away... last call before they become property of the salvation army) but nevermind... moving on...

i guess i will forever be the suspecting and paranoid me that i am from then on...and also the super sensitive "you don't want me anymore" kind... ok... for those who have to deal with me everyday... i dun seem so... ya i dun... its just that when u're all alone at home at night sitting infront of the computer... it sort of surfaces then... so i'd rather be all tired and out with everyone else... and now my bank account is almost empty from all the staying out... haha... well partly...
ITS ALSO THE FUCKING FRIGID WOMAN CAUSING MY BANKRUPTCY!

story goes... sean... i believe has developed a less than desired attitude towards relationships since he also had a bad relationship the last time round... plus the fact that he's going thru some changes in his life right now... well i put it as his excuse for what he's doing right now... not that we're together or what... but when i read from his fren's site that he went out with her on the saturday when i was waiting for his call the whole day coz he promised to meet me that day... it really got me upset... then when I had to call and ask him why he din call or just told me the truth... he could hear that i was upset... and said with his nonchalant attitude "got reason to get upset meh?"... or something along those lines... so that hurt realli... then he said he will call me back after he showered... and he forgot to even msg coz he was so darn tired... and not even the next day... so its that feeling of "non-closure" again... i just hate it when such things happen... so there... i sent him an sms on friday night... its sunday morning... no reply whatsoever...

this has confirmed one thing...
i cannot trust MOST people anymore... new rule: everything is a lie until proven truthful... something like that... anyway... i dun ever want to get myself into that position again...the whole "possible relationship" crap... dating w/o commitment maybe... fuckbuddies or whatever... no BF... with my issues... i doubt a gf is in the picture... 2 ex-gfs and its always me who screwed it up... i should just ignore the whole govt thing about having more babies... coz its just not going to come from me! if u have the sunday papers... go read "chew on it"...

F.U.N.!

Spongebob:
What is fun?? HERE...Let me spell it for you!

Spongebob:
F is for Friends who do stuff together.
U is for You and me.
N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Sea Creatures:
Down here in the deep blue sea!

Plankton:
F is for Fire that burns down the whole town.
U is for URANIUM...BOMBS!
N is for No survivors when you're-

Spongebob:
Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about!
Now, do it like this,
F is for Friends who do stuff to-

Plankton:
Never! That's completely idiotic!

Spongebob:
Here, Let me help you...
F is for friends who do stuff together.
U is for You and me, TRY IT!

Plankton:
N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Sea Creatures:
Down here in the deep blue sea!

Plankton:
Wait...I don't understand ...I feel all tingly inside...
Should we stop?

Spongebob:
No! That's how you're supposed to feel!

Plankton:
Well I like it! Lets do it again!

Spongebob:
Okay!

Spongebob & Plankton:
F is for Frolic through all the flowers.
U is for Ukelele.
N is for Nose picking, chewing gum, and sand licking.
Here with my best buddy.

(Laughing part)

Sea Creatures:
Down in the deep blue sea.

picturezzz

here are some pictures that jolene took wif my hp...







and one that i took

FUCKED

FUCKING KWEENGNHOON REJECTED MY PHOTOS AGAIN
WHY CANNOT FUCKING FREEZE A WAVE!?!?!?!?
ITS BEAUTIFUL!!! FUCKING FRIGID!!!!
ITS FUCKING IRRITATING THAT SHE KEEPS DOING IT
AND ITS FUCKING IRRITATING THAT I'M SPENDING MONEY
GETTING HER TO ENLARGE PHOTOS THAT ARE UGLY!!!
FUCKING IDIOT ALWEZ PROCESSES THE UGLY ONES!!!
A FUCKING WASTE OF MONEY!!!
FUCKED!!!

AND I HATE BEING LIED TO!!!

JOANNA, "STOP BEING SO VULGAR!!!"

oh what a night...

i have just finished my ICA3... which is supposed to be done in class tomorrow... or today rather.... all 800++ words on nothing... basically just crapping my way through... i realised there's no way i can get any distinctions this semester... coz i got a D+ for my journalism test... bad enuff... but i deserve it... coz i din study for it... i was just too stoned to do it... that was the stoned days...

today... had to wear formal attire to attend lecture... i chose an all gray/black/blue ensemble... was quite sombre and all... looked like i attended someone's funeral... at least its better than wearing BROWN SHIRT BEIGE PANTS AND BLUE TIE!... so clash... cannot stand it... he's even worse than i thought... u shud know who...

have to choose next CDS and elective to take next semester... i think i'll opt for broadcast or basic sub-editing... its on thursday... so kweengnhoon shudnt be expecting too many people on that day for her lecture... ha...

after lecture... hung out wif za and jo... called G2000 to ask if they cld speed up the alterations since i had to use it for friday... so yea.. they cld make it on thursday evening thankfully... so i can look all prim and proper by friday... yay... went to town wif them... jo bought a jacket... then ate seafood chowder at delifrance... ok la... they seem to use the same clam thingie for everything... and the bread bowl was like rubber... sux...

just read someone's blog... and found some untruthful behaviour... but i'm not angry... guess it never occurred to me that could happen...

going to have a reunion wif my primary sch classmates... how times have changed man... everyone seems to be working already.... one of them even drives an impreza... i have tonnes to catch up there... horrible... oh wells... that's life... that's fate...

going to bed now.. think i'll bring my camera out tomorrow... sis is sneezing nonstop... i think she has got dustmites in her comforter... horrible...