feelings... nothing more than feelings...

i told myself i shan't get hurt again... but it just seems i can't help it... haha... i'm getting closer and closer to becoming an emotional wreck... well here's the story...

i guess if u've been reading a lot of my crap... u'd know abt my last bastard bf... all about him lying to me about his entire background and life and all... and mebeing all trusting and naive enough to believe all his lies for a good 2 years plus...i went thru that one experience but it seems that there isn't proper closure... though i did punch him in the stomach and all... maybe its the clothes that hegave me... they're still with me... (sidenote: gaudy ralph lauren long sleeve shirts with horrendous designs for give away... last call before they become property of the salvation army) but nevermind... moving on...

i guess i will forever be the suspecting and paranoid me that i am from then on...and also the super sensitive "you don't want me anymore" kind... ok... for those who have to deal with me everyday... i dun seem so... ya i dun... its just that when u're all alone at home at night sitting infront of the computer... it sort of surfaces then... so i'd rather be all tired and out with everyone else... and now my bank account is almost empty from all the staying out... haha... well partly...
ITS ALSO THE FUCKING FRIGID WOMAN CAUSING MY BANKRUPTCY!

story goes... sean... i believe has developed a less than desired attitude towards relationships since he also had a bad relationship the last time round... plus the fact that he's going thru some changes in his life right now... well i put it as his excuse for what he's doing right now... not that we're together or what... but when i read from his fren's site that he went out with her on the saturday when i was waiting for his call the whole day coz he promised to meet me that day... it really got me upset... then when I had to call and ask him why he din call or just told me the truth... he could hear that i was upset... and said with his nonchalant attitude "got reason to get upset meh?"... or something along those lines... so that hurt realli... then he said he will call me back after he showered... and he forgot to even msg coz he was so darn tired... and not even the next day... so its that feeling of "non-closure" again... i just hate it when such things happen... so there... i sent him an sms on friday night... its sunday morning... no reply whatsoever...

this has confirmed one thing...
i cannot trust MOST people anymore... new rule: everything is a lie until proven truthful... something like that... anyway... i dun ever want to get myself into that position again...the whole "possible relationship" crap... dating w/o commitment maybe... fuckbuddies or whatever... no BF... with my issues... i doubt a gf is in the picture... 2 ex-gfs and its always me who screwed it up... i should just ignore the whole govt thing about having more babies... coz its just not going to come from me! if u have the sunday papers... go read "chew on it"...