Saturday, May 29, 2004

hiatus

junior will be going for a medical checkup tomorrow... so he will be missing in action for a while... which means i will be deprived of the internet for some time... argh

juz came home frm a bbq with seth... spent some nice time there... caught up with james too... had a warm fuzzy talk and hug with seth.. he told me he wants to get back... all i could tell him is that its not the time yet... what will come will come...

Thursday, May 27, 2004

the aftermath

happy stuff: lim yu beng, beatrice chia, goh boon teck and don richmond was at the office today!

i read seth's blog today... the poor boi seems to be quite hurt... like he said "i'm vulnerable but i'm strong"... its all my fault for leading him on... its all because i was letting the overwhelming loneliness get to me... its crazy... i'm trying to get into a relationship, not knowing that i have yet to move on from the previous one... and it really hit me bad... its the old depressive feeling again... and its juz coming back real real bad.... its making me physically sick... i felt like crying but i could not force a single tear out at all... and the paranoia thing set in while i was walking back home in the rain... all the bad stuff just came flooding back... so here am i shutting myself off in the room... writing these shit...

seth... sorry


lennel is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.
N
POISON

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

picturezzz n the inevitable


that's me and my 2 bosses, james in the center and rabil on the right


that's me and wendi koh at the indoor stadium! starstruck!

anyway... the inevitable has happened... again...

i'm still haunted very much by what has happened with my last bastard boyfriend... and its more of an open wound than anything else... and it got triggered twice recently... and almost immediately i slumped into the depressive state i once grew accustomed to... and i hate it... i feel sick thinking of that feeling... and i had a talk with seth today... he agreed that this relationship is bringing more pain than anything else... so we both decided that we we're getting into the relationship too fast and for the wrong reasons... to take things back to square one... we're goin to end the "trial relationship" and remain as friends... and if anything happens in the future that might put us together again... so it shall be... and after that little talk... we both felt much more liberated... its better this way i guess... we're still calling each other boy-friends! hahaha...

Sunday, May 23, 2004

updatezz

the hellish weeks are finally over... now i can finally sit down and write some stuff to update the page...

1. work has been hectic. absolutely crazy... last week we had the hifly carnival going on... that wasn't so bad still... but we were preparing for the IIFAA this week... the whole week was spent at jitterbugs having rehearsals and me running around town collecting this and sending that... costumes, cds, food, bla bla bla... friday night was spent at the indoor stadium... all hot and sweaty... coz they were having the technical rehearsals... our opening act was the only local item and we were impressive... even the crew from india thought we were good... the planning for the show was pretty bad... they had to borrow this and borrow that... they didn't bother to provide refreshments even though they said they would... their poor dancers never got to rest... they didn't even get to eat till midnight... slave drivers... we had to stay and wait wait wait till 230 in the morning... then they din even get to do a full dress rehearsal on the day itself even though it was planned... miraculously the whole show went on alright even though it was a mess... well i got to see vivek oberoi.. seth ali khan... shah rukh khan, shahid kapoor and amitab bachchan! haha... i was like within 5m frm vivek oberoi.. those puppy eyes... haha... and i took a photo wif wendi! i'll have it here once i get it from the office camera... it was one hell of an experience... and i loved it :)

2. din get to meet up wif my baby for a while... coz everyday was so crazy.. and i was rushing my kose stuf on the side... we did meet on thursday for a short while... then today he came over... it was the longest time we spent so far... it was realli nice to spend some time together... he is such a sensible boi... he even makes more sense than i do... far matured than some guys i have known or dated... but poor thing has had to go through so much... cant help but wan to pamper him a little... cant help but nag at his bad eating habits though... he can skip the entire day's meals and eat late late suppers... i dunno how he does it... he's alreadi skinny as he is... got to force him to change those habits...

3. they have yet to send my cheque for april! i'm already broke.. luckily i left money with my mum... they had better pay me soon coz i have some plans for spending alreadi.. haha... i want to get a palm zire31.. color screen wif 16mb ram... for 278.. that's quite a deal... then i'll have to set aside cash for the 4 day chalet i'm going for...

4. tomoro is the mediabiz studio auditions... juz goin for fun.. haha... i wonder shud i do the BBC voice or the americaaan... hahaha... after tat cheryl, ame and i wil have to get back to the office to make the invites for another show next week... tats going to be a loong night... no choice la... hopefully i'll get my day off this week... still need to send junior for check up... maybe spend a day tanning again...

5. there are now 2 fans in my room... i shared with my aunt and another directly at me... the fucking weather is getting a hell lot on my nerves... every night have to wrestle control of the fan from my aunt... she would turn the fan towards her and i would turn it back to me... cant get proper sleep becoz have to check on the fan again and again... so tonite i juz brought the fan from the living room in... anymore of this crazy weather and i will juz scream... i seriously need to get a room of my own also... there juz isnt anywhere in this tiny house to make out!

6. i so want my own car soon... i hate sitting on buses... i hate standing in the burning sun waiting for a cab and some stupid indian woman just waltzes in front of you and tries to flag for the bus... fucking bitch... i was sweating so much i dripped... i juz walked in front of her and took the cab... then there are the indian men who shout to each other even though they sit next to one another... these stupid indian men also stand at the exit while the front of the bus is cramped to the max... i nearly went up to him and asked "is it a religious thing that prohibits you from MOVING TO THE BACK OF THE BUS!?!"... and he's not a construction worker... he's an officer worker.... the sort wif a chunky 3310 in a leather holster on the left front side of this pants... have you heard about the news release from SBS? they apologised to the public for the frequent "black outs" at little india... what's red, purple, white, yellow, black, colourless and moves? an SBS bus along little india... call me racist but that's how it is...

here's another story... my boss, the director of the opening act... was sitting there wif us.. watchin the tv screen from backstage at the IIFAA... along comes the indian diva (fact that her room was up there wif the rest of the acts, and not below where shah rukh khan was, means something) with her entourage (read:2 assistants)... the assistant asks my boss for help becoz their lock was not working... so my boss got me to help them wif it... i stood on the chair... reached over the partition and open the lock from inside... same thing happened to us earlier on... after thanking us... the assistant asked "could we have some water..." my boss was going to say alrite since its only water.. then she continued "coffee or tea and a sandwich!" at this point my boss was quite shocked by what they said... so he replied "would u like some pizzas instead?" and the assistant went "that would be quite lovely!" and he repled "in about 5 hours" and we both walked off... hahahahahahahahhahaha

picturezzz



jitterbugs swingapore... where people learn to dance...
and here's proof that i have at least 1 left foot...



the office elves... cheryl and ame...
as seen through one of the tools of their trade...



presenting... seth... :)

Thursday, May 20, 2004

mise à jour mineure

been extremely busy this week... so just here to say "pls come back" and entice you with some snippets from this week...

1. i have a baby now. seth.
2. i have been really busy with work in the office.
3. sunday i was at the turf club... the excitement there was amazing!
4. this whole week will be dedicated to the opening act of the IIFAA Show on Saturday.
5. i'll be at chalet with seth from the 11th to 14th June.
6. cheryl and ame are working at my company for these few days... go read their blogs to see how badly their fingers are cut up by the cardboard...
7. i had the worst flashback (to the age of the bastard ex) recently... painful still.
8. granny is in town!
9. i am soo tired these days i fall asleep before midnight...
10. mediabiz radio auditions on monday!
11. i am broke again.
12. latest celebrity i have met: Wendi Koh. she really is quite amazing. oh and i'll be helping out with her costume change for the saturday show.
13. the biotherm detox cleanser seems to be working a little... less bumps... but there still are... bah

till when i have time, cheers!

Friday, May 14, 2004

quizilla!

nothing to do in the office for now... so i shall quiz!

Outcast
You are an.. OUTCAST! Nobody hates you, you just
hate them. Or vice versa. You really don't like
being around people, being by yourself is much
better company. You are not accepted by the
norm and are deemed "weird" or
"freaky". You appreciate things that
others don't, and you dwell in your
indifference.


The Subculture Label Quiz

CWINDOWSDesktopFightclub.jpg
Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)

Yuo are most like the Greek God Hecate, of dark magic. Mysterious, and intellectual you have a good understanding of the world around you. You never just 'go along' with things, and always do what you want to do - which isn't always the right thing - but nevermind! Interesting, fun and generally quite friendly, you're a good person to know, and a great person to have as a friend.


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Thursday, May 13, 2004

seperated at birth?


Tuesday, May 11, 2004

ur body is a wunderlund yaa

funny this song makes me wanna cry about how lonely i am... haha

John Mayer
Your Body Is A Wonderland


We got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

'Cause if you want love
We'll make it
Swimming a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

you want love?
We'll make it
Swimming a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland

Damn baby
You frustrate me
I know you're mine all mine all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body Is a wonderland
Your body is a wonderland

Porsche 911 Carrera

THE 997 COMETH!

GORGEOUS ISN'T IT!?!?!?

Monday, May 10, 2004

if i ever lose my faith in you

You could say I lost my faith in science and progress
You could say I lost my belief in the holy church
You could say I lost my sense of direction
You could say all of this and worse but

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world
You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV
You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians
They all seemed like game show hosts to me

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But every time I close my eyes I see your face

I never saw no miracle of science
That didn't go from a blessing to a curse
I never saw no military solution
That didn't always end up as something worse but
Let me say this first

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

the aftermath

you know when people tell you that they got drunk... did or said something... and don't remember AT ALL what had happened... i'm telling you that they are speaking the truth... i just read my blog post last nite and i cannot remember 3/4 of what i wrote... wow...

anyway... after i wrote that post... i started getting really giddy and spent the next 1 hour losing my dinner of kambing soup and rocky road ice cream... and smelt like puke the whole night... shall have to change my bedsheets later... poor aunt and mummy got woken up by the entire hooha... and i just told them that i was having indigestion... (DON'T TELL MUM THIS IF YOU'RE READING IT)

woke up and had a hungry hungry stomach... ate oatmeal and came to office and got digestive biscuits... yummy... had a roast beef subway sandwich for lunch... fantastic as usual... i love it... haha

ii m drunk

yes i am durnk rightnow
its a feeling that i've never had
andi love it
its fucking happy
and its fucking fun!
i cant walk straight anymore
gtoo bad tis at home.
now oi can realli say the fucking things that have been on my mucjing mind

i want ot olove somseone but i cant havb anyone to love
like poro amy on paradise hotel
i an not happy anymore and i cant fucking shout it sout
to anyone at all
i juz twant to be happy
and i dinpnt lnow how to get ita nyomre
hahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahaahhahahaha

kenji's bnottle of chiavas isnt goin to olast nme for the month
coz i love this druink feeling... i can dont' five a gicuk about
anyhtning aelse anymore
fuck this who le felluinbg abotu being sober at all
sover people ar sad
when i'm sober i'm sad
i am so fucking happy when i 'm not sober
i'm swaeing cold swat
bnitu i''m happy
i 'ncant wanlk a a striangtht libne but i cant fuckinga care
hahaajhaahaaha
too b ad i'm at home
if i' was out i'f probably be frenchign soneone rightno w
orobasly a guy coz i'jm totally out of everyone's choicie right now
i'm not a contender
i'm not even someone girls would consider a candicdate for love...
coz i'm bisexual
so waht i'f i'm siselxual
fuck it

sdo hwat if i'kjm scoring distintions... coz i'm juz doin the diright tgihnks
in school
i'm stirll nolt fickingh happy
i don't want otd ie dalone...

i want to have kids... iwan to th avej someone to love and to hold and to give my slife to
fuck god
fuck religion
its jujast something to fucking believe itn
hahahahahahaha

Sunday, May 09, 2004

picturezzz


one of the few antique radios in the office...

balloons from hifly carnival!












Friday, May 07, 2004

Examination Results

Student: 0303390I TAN KIAN LIANG LENNEL
Academic Year: 2003/2004, January Semester
Course: DIPLOMA IN COMMUNICATIONS & MEDIA MANAGEMENT

BCM1005 Journalism 2 : Feature Writing B
BCM1007 Media Management Principles Distinction
BCM1008 Persuasive Communication Distinction
BCM1009 Photography Distinction
GSS1003 Introduction to Psychology B+

Total Credit Units earned to-date: 42 cu
Cumulative Grade Point Average obtained to-date: 3.77
Academic Status: PERMITTED TO PROCEED TO THE NEXT SEMESTER OF STUDY.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

blabber

i was making hats yesterday for saturday's racing festival parade.
i had to spray paint hats and ended up with black fingers.
junior's cdrom is dead.
junior's mouse is dead.
i am very tired today.
i will never fall in love again unless i know its forever.
i think fen soh from jitterbugs is pretty. she reminds me of wong lilin.
i've got a tummyache now.
biz sch rejected my student handbook design. they think its like a jap advert.
i need to buy more underwear to replace the old ones.
i need to buy facial wash.
i need to get a ceiling fan.
i need to earn more money.
i need to learn to save more money.
i think the gay chat channels on irc are getting lame.
i am now officially celibate.
i think i'll need a holiday at the end of this work stint.
i want to stay at rasa sentosa!
i need to go tanning again.
i think i want to get a gym membership when i can afford it.
i saw 3 porsches today... each one more expensive than $400k.
that's 1.2million worth of porsche.
i think i want to have gurls when i have children.
maybe 1 youngest son.
i think kai jun is a nice name for him.
i think i'm not afraid of being lonely anymore.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

banglas

i took 3 cabs today... 2 of the cabbies called the banglas around little india...
"BLACK ANTS" ahhahaahahha

Saturday, May 01, 2004

i have been violated

yes... i have been VIOLATED

by this STUPID PERVERSE indian man on the bus... i was sitting on the right side of the bus... on the aisle seat... coz my legs were too long... so it stuck out onto the aisle... then... as people were getting down at the "sheng siong" stop opposite sim lim square... i felt a hand CARESS my knee... to my horror... i looked up and saw this OLD INDIAN MAN WITH PASSÉ SUNGLASSES walking down the steps... and he just walked off... I AM OUTRAGED!!!

so i conclude that some indian people, especially those foreign workers... HAVE NO SENSE OF PERSONAL SPACE!!! the other day i was standing next to the train door... in that little empty space between the glass next to the last seat and the door... and this STUPID INDIAN man... kept pushing me inwards... he was trying to SQUEEZE to get out... and the fucking train wasn't even crowded at all! screw him! screw them all!!!

anyway... i'm really having a blast at work... in case you don't know... i'm on a holiday job right now... working at orangedot productions... right behind boat quay... and its such an interesting job... its an events management / production company... so we get involved in interesting projects... and the office is also the HQ of the association for singapore actors... so i'm seeing celebrities all the time! and we're also involved in the production of private parts this july... so i've met the cast and crew! wayyyy cool... i even met the original playwright! michael chiang! it pays peanuts but i'm learning sooo much about the industry... and the bosses are really nice too :)

was at jolene's chalet today... wif cheryl.... the rest all couldn't make it... bah... ah well... had a few bites... plenty of laffs... and half a can of beer.... nice of her dad to buy for us the stuff... but jo had to say MY FRIENDS WANT TO DRINK... smart move... tsk tsk tsk... and i hereby declare cheryl an alcoholic.. coz she drank the beer even though she didn't like it... tsk tsk...

anyway... junior's cd rom is dead... have to send him for a checkup soon... maybe monday after work... drop by funan...

last night...i broke someone's heart... sorry kenji... its just that i am not wanting to get into another gay relationship anymore... its been too painful a road to walk down... and i don't want to even try to go there again... you're a really sweet boy... i know you've been treating me really well and all... i really appreciate it... but i just can't be the one... i'm too jaded about all this relationship thing... i don't think you'll understand now... but someday i hope you do...