gathering of a decade

god... i havent seen some of these folks for a DECADE... that's how old i feel now... old old old... nxt year i'll be QUARTER OF A CENTURY OLD... and 2 yrs later... MY 'O' LEVELS WUN EVEN BE IN THE 10YR SERIES...

but its so nice to see some old faces again... and all the memories start flooding back...

note: the 2nd girl on the left... she was my childhood sweetheart... we used to play house at her place... i think i still have a photo of us holding hands during an excursion to the botanical gardens when we were in kindergarten... now she's all glam and an SQ stewardess at that... and she wore a cartier pascha... my favourite watch... haha... how times have changed...

stuff

so the list right now is michelle zee, natasha zhao, marilyn yee and me... i wonder who else... those who know please post in my comments... who else got into the honour's list :)

i felt like a damn zombie the whole of today... took a melatonin last nite and slept at 1am... today woke up half awake... and the whole bad stomach side effect is on... plus the damn haze is back... so there i was at 745 in the morning... eyes stinging from the haze... stomach upside down... and unable to concentrate... and we watched "the wizard of oz" this morning... man... that was tough...


i think i remember a little about the show... but its been so long ago... completely forgot... or did i not watch it at all? hahaha... but judy garland is sooo beautiful... and i luv her kansas drawwwl... haha the tinman and lion sound so gayyyy... but i luv the songs... now i know where all the parodies are from... like the flying monkeys thingie... it was parodied in the simpsons (mr burns "fly my prettiesss" and in futurama last nite)...

then for BMR... it was pretty dry... we got mr kenneth wong for tutor.. he's new to this gig so he din seem very sure wat he was doing.... but cld see he's trying rather hard to get our attention... coz there we were sitting behind... giggling like little school girls because datin petrina yong was telling her "penguin goes red white black" riddle again... can never understand what she's going to do next...

props baby

ladies and gentlemen i am pleased, and proud, to announce that i have received a letter from the temasek polytechnic business school to attend the academic awards presentation ceremony. and i am in the director's honours list for the academic year 2003/2004. :)

picturezzz

today jo, cher and i went to the asian civilisation museums... and me... armed with faithful old julio and t400max black and white film... decided to play photographer for the day... and here are some...

the exhibits... n stuff...










and us...

stuff

ok folks... as u can see its a new background image... haha vain pot...
am quite tired right now... been going around the whole day...

rabil... the lucky guy that he is... won 4D again... and 3 at a go... and so he treated me, ben and some guy to lunch at sakae today... and he got himself a new pda... so i met them for lunch... then took 518 down to school for culture and expression... it was interesting... we watched an academy award winning documentary called "baraka"... all it had was music and shots of nature and tribes... then it became urban life... people packed into trains and chicks getting "branded" on a hot iron rod... all the girls almost swore not to eat chicken anymore... well i had a big mac just now...

then after tat i stayed wif jo, ness, za to watch nicole, cj, keith and josh practice for their performance tmrw... i must say the 2 dudes can play... they are really really fun people... i'm feeling so "unfun" now... old age i suppose... but why did i stay so late in sch? i was thinking because i din want to come home... i never really had that sort of feeling before... but recently i am finding reasons not to stay home... coz i dun wanna be hot and sticky... nor do i want to see that aunt of mine who has been badmouthing us... bitch... fucking bitch... and we have to take care of her... where the fuck are her nephews and nieces who she praises so often? they are enjoying life in their big houses and big cars... never giving a fuck whether she's well or not... talk about biting the hand that feeds...

oh yes i forgot

yes... a story i have to tell

this morning i was on the bus when the tvmobile set was playing a rerun of "hai you ming tian 2"... the nkf themed chn 8 drama serial shown at 9... i wasnt realli watching it in the first place... then suddenly there was a very drama scene... this guy was begging his wife to stay... but she wanted to leave with another man because she's had enough of the life she lived... and he was crying and on the ground kneeling for her to stay but she just said no... then his mother came in and told him not to beg her... out of desperation... the guy took out a pistol and point it at his temple... and asked her for one last chance... she refused... so he shot himself... and his "wife" screamed and cried in shock... and the mother ran up crying by his side...

reason why i had to tell this?

the character's name was the same as mine...

and i nearly cried on the bus when i saw the whole scene...

it suddenly felt like i was the one that's dead... coz it did cross my mind a few times what would happen if i killed myself... and that's 1 more "-" for getting in love... what if someday someone does that to me too? will i be too fragile to handle that shit? will i resort to what he did? dunno...

picturezzz

ernie n the bottle of chocolates

rock heroin

elmo




so tired...
i'll update later or tmrw

ze 1st day

yes and the first day of school had come and past... basically we juz had darryl d's film crit class... where we watched "bowfinger"... which i had avoided for the longest time because i thought it was quite a stupid film... haha... but it was funny realli... so there... we survived the first 4 hour lecture/tutorial with him on a monday morning... jolene kept complaining that he was "too happy" for a monday crowd... urgh...

oh and the drinking crew happens to be in my class... except poor ame... there's mdm zee, mdm yong, cheryl, jolene , and za(who doesnt drink...)

after tat we went to makan at long john's at century square... then little miss cheryl had to get some present for someone... which ended up looking like the most insincere gift i have ever laid eyes on... horrible... glass jar full of hersheys and no wrapper for the plain white box... and i thought girls were the ones that should come up with the nice gifts! ah well i am wrong...

back to school for albert's consultation class... talk cock as usual and left... i've got my business idea for the plan but its going to take a whole lot of planning for that... i shall name it "soundpods"... bwahahhaha

i had one of those lonely dreams again... dreamt i was holding someone in my arms on bed... and nibbling away.... hahaha... watever comes after is deemed *too graphic* for immature audiences... ah well... happens when u're single...

time to get ready for meeting in school... bah

Burn

[Intro]
I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

[Verse 1]
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Verse 2]
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same by myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn (let it burn, let it burn, you gon'learn)
Let it burn (gotta let it burn)
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know its best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Bridge]
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

[Breakdown]
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

[Chorus]
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

overwhelming

i suddenly have this overwhelming sense of sadness... almost on the brink of depression... horrible horrible feeling...

i basically have no capacity left to find someone to love... i've completely blocked off the possibility of finding some guy that i can fall in love with... and its almost impossible to find some girl to be in love with... its scary how an incident in life can scar someone so bad... i am starting to feel that there is nothing left in life for me than to make money and spent it all on myself...

which brings me to the 2nd dilemma... was offered some money to do work over the weekend... but its mum's off day and we're supposed to go visit my cousin who isn't feeling well... so i had to turn it down... i juz feel so much sadness that i cant make that 120bucks... and i'm trying to rationalise why i had to turn it down... between trying to make myself feel better and not be too bogged down by money...

all i can think about these days is to move house and have my own room... how i will decorate my own room... a place i can shut myself off completely... maybe have friends (if they are not spending time with their own bfs/gfs) over to chill out... but its so fucking far away.... so fucking impossible at this point... and its realli depressing... coz i'm getting more and more frustrated about the sad state of affairs that i was "born" into...

which brings back to why i'm choosing to be single.. and probably will stay single... does that mean that i will never get married since i'm a commitment phobic? and how can i satisfy my need for companionship then? will i drift around from lover to lover... never ever finding the one to settle down once and for all? and eventually die alone... if u believe in palmistry... my lifeline looks shorter and shorter each time i see it... haha... as for the heart line that deals with relationships... it splits into 2 lines... and 1 juz cuts short and stops... am i on that path alreadi?

i want to get that scholarship to study overseas... so i can get away from here...

oh look.. its past 8000 hits... and i wonder who still reads this...

wheee

oh i am sooo tired... yesterday was helping orangedot with a wedding at grand copthorne hotel... was there from noon till past midnight... did some videography for the acts that we arranged... managed to eat some parts of the wedding dinner! haha... sharks fin and fish were as usual wonderful... the yam paste was fantastic too... wendi's dad, who is 78 years old! was at the table with us... he was sitting next to me quietly then suddenly tapped on my shoulder and pointed to one of the guests in a nehru style suit with a white shirt under and wearing a scarf... then he said that guy is a priest... i told him he wasn't... that's was juz his outfit... and tat guy sang on stage (quite well too)... but wendi's dad insisted that he was a priest... so i juz smiled... then he went on to talk about american idol and the racial politics of sports... *phew*... got home at 1 and slept...

woke at 7... went to meet ryan to go sch together... went to sch at 830... lecture started at 9... it was on entrepreneurship... and the whole load of crap was on marketing and "thinking out of the box"... stuuupid la... wasted one whole day there... was sooo sleepy... lucky brought doraemon... so played wif games during the boring parts... after tat me, zarina, joanna, vanessa and josh went to plaza sing... i got myself a new pair of shoes... to go wif the new pants... sale! 59.90! later i saw at adidas this pair of white and beige strips leather shoes with black good year sole ... i love it! i sooo want to get it the next time round... but its 129! i'll die if i bought that...

anyway here are pictures of doraemon and the new shoes... yay









tmrw go sentosa! woohooo... final enjoyment b4 sch starts!

stupid timetable wun show.... grrrrrrrrr

when i fall in love...

isn't she the sweetest?
karena lam

to whom it may concern

no me ames.

strange words

a hoi hoi... little updates

1. back from the chalet at sembawang resort... felt like being in MALAYSIA... place so ulu.. but rustic charm... had fun wif the guys (not that way)... lovely place to relax... but NO FOOD... grrr

2. went to wedding yesterday at riverwalk... interesting setup... outdoor buffet (scorching sun) and indoor bar and reception area (which is actualli a shop space rented from the building)... met soo many people... was dying to get out of the place... hahaha

3. went to funan wif my sis and bought my zire31... and i shall name it DORAEMON! since its blue and white and has tonnes of stuff in it... hahaha... its now stuffed with a hell lot of info... calendar... contacts... games... next thing to get is an SD card for it... but the palm itself came with a free screen protector and 4-in-1 pen that's both torchlight, laser pointer, pen and stylus... mondo cool ya?

4. then went to bugis village and bought a new canvas bag... quite cheap... black in color... shud be quite versatile...

5. on my way home... got this new taxi driver who drove for barely 30 days... was quite chatty... he tot i was like working or sumthing (maybe coz i was quite formally dressed)... then asked if i came back from overseas (maybe my screwed up accent)... then he guessed if i studied media... and i sed yes.... then he sed i had "magnetic attraction"!?!??! strange strange words... but he was a nice guy... but strange nonetheless

6. today went to kose to get more work... then to sch... practiced practiced practiced... talk talk talk... saw vincent, alvin, andrew, noraini, fiza... STARELA... the synergy leaders... din get to see the freshies though... hmmm... then ame cheryl and i went to town... ate at pastamania (yummy beef lasagne)... went to snoop at ck tangs... then topshop... then went to zara... couldnt find anything i liked... ended up in espirit and bought this pair of 3/4s on sale... haha... then all went home...

yes! tomoro more shopping? suntanning? dunno wor...

haha

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


was at chalet last nite... so din realli sleep well.... spent today playing taboo and lazing around the kiddie pool.... got to know the rest of the guys frm school better... such a fun bunch.. think my shoulder is burnt again... cdans sembawang resort was like a place stuck in the 70s.... and there was a fountain by the pool... strange but such a cosy place to be... and i had a feeling of dejavu... its one of my dreamt before and now for real kind of situation again...

well at least my 2 paychecks are in... still have 1 more to go... gotta plan how to spend alreadi... bwahahhahaa... going to buy my pda tomorrow! yay... palm zire31

its official

i am commitment phobic.

n u're tuning in...

was in school today... from 10am onwards till about 4pm... doing what? practicising our radio stuff... 3 pairs of us... me and cher, ame and nicole, gloria and brenda... took turns to do small sets as well as a full half hour set... quite fun... but as usual it was freezing the nads off everyone (well technically only i can have my nads frozen off... but hey)....

tracing back... i slept a whole lot last nite... actually from 9pm onwards... just because i was so sleepy the whole day... and that links back to the night before... i went for a haircut after work... then came home and DIY bleach and colour my hair... as usual... pearl ash turns out to be RED... i should just buy bleach next time... simple... so there i was smelling like... well... smelling salts... pamela calls me and asks me to go watch a movie with her and julius... but i was stinking so much i said nah... so ok... then i washed my hair and put on some mask my sister bought... then she called again... this time round asked if i wanted to go karaoke... and u noe i can never reject girls when they go "please"... so i said yes and off i went to orchard cineleisure... stinky hair and all... ended up getting membership for the member's night offer... so we sang sang sang... was fun... and before i knew it... it was alreadi 3am... then went to river valley for makan... reached home and slept at 4am...

well tomorrow's my last day at orangedot... kinda sad though... i never had so much fun working at any place before... and the people there are great... the people we've worked with are real fun too... i so want to go back there during the next holidays.. haha... working in an "gay" company sure has its own perks... no need to pretend to be straight or anything... and the jokes are really more fun... haha... and at times you can actualli think the same way as the others... *sigh* will miss the folks...

evening sky

seeping through the curtains
you cast a blue glow
onto my world

without you
all i have are the
blacks and whites
the greys
of uncertainty

shades of experiences
discolour
the perception
of life

the reds
of passion
fade into
nothingness

the pure white
of innocence
of childhood
marred
by colours

the golds and silvers
of joy
and riches
are spent
on frivolous pursuits
of pleasure

but your blue
your beautiful blue
come to me
through that window
though shortlived
brings me the calm
and peace
for me to see again

the colours
of a beautiful life

finally!

yes dahlings... i'm back... well more like junior's back... :)
and so many stuff has happened in the past week...

1. while junior was away... i re-acquainted myself with the remote control and television... friends the final season is still as good as ever... and can you believe its been 10 years? and soon enough... they'll be gone gone gone... sad sad sad isn't it? *sigh*

2. this week was spent scurrying around in preparation for reuters' party at 1nitestand... spent like 700plus (company's money of course)... this will be the last show i'm doing with orangedot... will definitely miss the guys... its been such fun working with them... learnt about how stuff is done behind the scenes... definitely enriching... who knows.. i might get into this field one day... that or advertising... radio if i'm reallly drunk... hahaha

3. met this nice girl called kiat sing... who's helping us out for the reuter's event... she's the rsvp girl as well as the tarot reading angel... and she did some readings for me... here's what she found out!

(i) asked whether if i'm a)gay, b)bisexual or c)straight... first card came out as "have a gay past"... 2nd card came out as the 2 of swords "don't wish to choose"... 3rd card came out as "no"... haha... so what am i!!?!?! complex and confused perhaps...

(ii) 2nd reading was to ask whether i'll get over the bad bastard bf incident last year and whether i'll find someone that i'll fall in love with... it said that i will get over it... because i want to... however in a rush to get over the issue... i end up tiring myself... i guess emotionally... but eventually i will... and yes i will find someone.. and its probably a girl!

(iii) do i know this girl alreadi?... no... but she will appear really soon... like within a week... and she'll probably be "school related"! *gasp* now i'll have to eye every girl in school really carefully... hahaha

4. so many people from my primary school are appearing in friendster! its scary! and its like these people disappeared for a good decade or so! even my childhood playmate teresa suddenly added me on friendster! when i showed my mum her photo on friendster... my mum said... "wah like model like that"... hahaha i hope there'll be a class reunion soon...

5. the reuter's event was quite fun! we had dancers, fire dancer, snake dancer, belly dancer, chocolate coated strawberries (fantastic!), vodka laced jellies, alcohol syringes.... and a free bar! too bad i was working and could only down 2 whiskey sodas nearing the end... had to pack the stuff and head back to office past midnight... our fotographer of the nite was a friend of one of the dancer guy and he looked damn familiar... ended up finding out that he used to work in the same camp as i was... small world... haha

6. been very very sleepy... coz not enuff sleep... i think i shall sleep and sleep and sleep tomorrow... if there's nothing much to do... junior has been all cleaned up... those filthy people at Apple don't clean their hands before handling WHITE objects... they should have a personal hygiene/customer oriented service lesson... bah

7. seth is dating someone! so happy for him... but we're still close friends... juz hope the darling boi remembers to eat regularly... been so bz with work that i don't have the time to remind him to eat his lunch and dinner... its been just work work work.. haha

8. my uncle is getting married! actually he's onli 2 years older than i am... now the pressure will be on me...bah

9. favourite magazine of the moment... esquire from the US... good read... good writing... love it... but expensive.. like 11bucks for the june copy... i wonder if the price fluctuates with the exchange rate... hmmm...

10. i'm going to sleep now. nite

rejoice!

junior's home!
reformatting the drive now... cleaned him up real good...
and hopefully everything will be up and ready by tonight!

will be updating the blog soon enough...