LIVE LEOPARD SPOTTED ON SBS BUS 15!

A live leopard has been spotted taking Singapore Bus Service number 15 towards Tampines today at about 1:30pm. Passengers were horrified to spot the spotted creature when it boarded the bus. This is the 2nd sighting of live animals in the same area this year.

Although the passengers alerted the authorities, they were unable to capture the animal. It is believed that the animal spotted wildlife photographers sitting next to it and decided to get off at the next stop. When approached for comments, a spokesperson from the AVA said that they will be setting traps in the area to try to capture the creature. They also advise parents to arm their children with catnip and to wear clean underwear at all times.

Concerned parents have complained to their local member of parliament with regards to the recent spate of wildlife sightings. According to the grassroots leaders, the relevant authorities have made no official reply to them concerning this matter. However, when we approached the spokesperson of the AVA, he said, "We are looking into the matter. Right now, we are on SBE status." We believe that SBE refers to "Sibeh Boh Eng", which is the official government code for "Very Busy".

The AVA advises all citizens who come into contact with these wildlife to follow a simple 3 step procedure to prevent any injuries to both civilians and wildlife. They are:

1. Look at the general direction of the animal.
2. Open eyes widely, flail arms over head in a vigorous circular motion and screech like a banshee.
3. Shout at your companion to call the police.

Please note that the above advice does not represent the views of this reporter. I think you should just run.