something's happening

"something's happening
and i know its going on
something's brewing in my mind
and it may be something wrong"

ok... how can someone say that he's going crazy? most people can't even tell whether they're having a cold or having the flu.... haha...

i'm adjusting to singlehood again... and everytime i do... i can't help but want to get attached again... for all the fucking wrong reasons... but who cares right?... its my own life and i ruin it my own way... i think everyone ruins their own lives to a certain extent... until something happens and slaps them hard in the face... that something is called reality... right or not?

"just like a white winged dove
sings her song
sounds like she's singing
WHOOO WHOOO WHOOOOOOO"

my poor drybox is half full... when on earth is my FE2 going to come home... i sure hope the 200mm lens gets fixed... i have called them my family heirloom... haha... shall keep it in good condition and pass it on back to my uncle's kids when they're old enough to use it... until then...

"SAFRA members get 20% off drinks
(housepours and draught
at The 1 Nite Stand Bar and Comedy Club"

back to the relationship thing... after some thinking about my state of relations... or rather lack of relations... i have concluded... that for now and until an unknown point of time... i am unable to commit to a proper relationship that requires me to make a conscious effort to love someone... in other words... i fucking don't care about loving someone anymore... these days its either that i like someone that i'm not supposed to like... or there's someone i can like but cannot love... you know there's a difference between liking someone or loving someone... when i want to try and love someone... i just fall flat on my face... sux doesn't it... i know some people say don't give up so easily... but its not easy at all...comprende? and for those who have had less dramatic episodes in their relationship career... ur advice is as precious as wooden nickels buried under ten thousand tonnes of muck... why bother to dig it up and waste it?

"back when i was a child...
before i've removed all the innocence...
my father would lift me up...
and dance with my mother and me...
and then spin me around till i fell asleep...
then up the stairs he would carry me
and I knew for sure I was loved..."

but i never said i have given up hope that one day i will find a woman to love and give my all to and have children... i may have only had a father for 17 years... but i want to be someone's father for a lifetime...

"will you ever get married?
yea i will i suppose
if the right one comes along
and if i'm financially stable enough"

oh yea.. i still have not been able to cry... so that makes almost 1 year of no-tears... which is really detrimental to my mental health... does drinking kill your tear ducts?... maybe there will be some "scientific study" someday that will warn us all of that... haha... i just used to break down and cry in my gf's arms when i was really stressed out... that kept me sane for the longest time...

"i was here u were there
guess we never could agree
while the sun shines on you
i need some love to rain on me
still i sit all alone
wishing all my feeling was gone
gotta get over u
nothing for me to...."

yea i guess this can be listed as one of my theme songs... haha... someone just said the other day that this song just reminds her of me... how true how true... just had an idea... i shall burn this song on a cd... play it on repeat... bring the cd out with my camera early one morning and go take photos... lots of photos... and call the series "as the dawn breaks"... maybe on a sunday morning... real quiet...