for real

Music> Oxala (Telepopmusik mix)
Scent> Hayacinth
Lighting> Candlelight

its been quite a long time since i've really wrote about how i felt... well i guess here it is...

i have been deliberately drowning myself with work for the past 2 or 3 months... well actually since the term started... occupied with my kosé stuff, the school website and the diploma website... plus all the school for this term... and i guess i really suffocated myself... it was a hellish period... forcing myself to do work non stop... every night... although i get my work done... i can say that i'm not that happy or unhappy...

during this period... in between the madness... i've sort of come to terms with some things...

being gay was just for fun... i guess the reason why i even started was because of loneliness... and in the loneliness that i'm going through now... i can see clearly that i don't need to occupy my life with a relationship to be happy... it would make me happier... but i don't need it to be happy... i've lost interest in guys... the want to get into a relationship with another guy died when i broke up with that bastard last february... the pain lingered on till now... but i've come to terms with it already... i'm not angry anymore... i may call him a bastard still because of what he did... but i'm not angry with the whole incident... its over so there...

i'm always there for people... and i know some of you guys are always there for me... i'm thankful for that... but there's a little space in my that needs a special someone to fill up... i know the whole singlehood thing is all fine... but its always better to be with someone... someone to hold hands with when walking down orchard road... someone to hold hands with when walking on the beach... someone to hug... someone that's always there to laugh with you... to cry with you... to share little bags of snacks with... someone who will laugh at the same things with you...no matter how morbid it may sound to other people... i'm not sure if i found that someone yet... or will... i must confess that i like someone right now... and she probably doesn't know it... actually only 2 people know who it is... so if word goes round... i'll know who's life to ruin... i guess i can see myself sharing some simple times with her... if she's willing to accept me in the first place... i'm just so scared of letting her know because if i do and she cant accept it... it will very very much sour things up... you know how awkward it can get... for now i'll just watch her smile from the side...

(if you know who you are and u're willing to give that chance... let me know)

back to work... school work to be precise... i just finished writing the script and editing the music bed for my next individual audio production assignment... i'm using the song u're hearing my blog background... breathe by telepopmusik... if u have cable tv at home... its the song that they use for "VH1 Video Collection"... its kinda hip... so it should fit the "lifestyle" program i'm writing for... haha... i'll have to work on my BMR next week... as well as come up with my demo proposal for multicam individual assignment... i think i'll have to do a demo show on "how to appreciate wine"... too bad we can't do that for the group project... no budget and no alcohol in school... boohooo... and watch out in september coz the new tp business school website might be up then... it might look better than the one on right now... haha... i'm learning how to use more flash for animation these days... i'll have to learn how to do full flash websites one day... that would be so cool... maybe i'll go take up a course one of these days...

i also think i should talk less... i find that i'm a little braggy at times... which i hate... i've really got to shut my motor mouth up more... and all those useless facts that i spew out once in a while... partly because i hate silences when i'm around people... its horrible... if i talk too much... please stop me... i'll have to be more conscious of my own talking... and i have to watch my spending... i'm always running out of money... i know money is made to be spent... which is my really bad philosophy... i will never skimp on food... and salmon sushi will always be my weak spot... i know you people find it SLIMY AND RAW... but its really delicious... and healthy too... slather it with wasabi .... *drool*

i will have to change my blog design real soon.. its stale...
time for AB FAB on cable... au revoir and good night...