quizillaaa

You are Mark! You are naturally shy, but always
follow your heart. Make sure this Christmas you
tell that special someone that you view them as
perfect.
Which Love Actually Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Anyway, for those who didn't read the papers... the version of Love, Actually that was shown to us in Singapore was the CUT CUT CUT version... and they are going to show the UNCUT version very soon... which includes an ENTIRE subplot that was left out due to the occupation of the main character... i am so going to watch it again... anyway its going to be rated r(A)... sorry kids

i got to see you agaaaaain

my camera's back... and i'm thinking of names for it... was just talking to cheryl on msn... and the name "julio" came to my mind... julio as in the senior iglesias... the suave charming one... coz tats how i see my camera... the wise old performer... haha... so there... JULIO... i showed julio to kwee hoon this afternoon... asking her... HOW TO USE!?!?! and she juz did her usual routine of taking her specs off... then put them on... then off... then on... and fiddled around here and there... and told me things that i alreadi knew... but she did mention some important stuff... i skipped her lecture this morning to go collect julio and his "kids"... the lenses... the oldest kid needs to be repaired still... shall have to make some money or borrow from mum to get that fixed... *sigh*

anyway... i'm dating sean now... :) and we're taking it slow now... see how things go... :)
so yea.. i'm back to my happier self...

but schoolwise... i'm slacking... although i'm doing work now and then... its still not enough to catch up... i think my attention is still with the camera... coz its more fiddling around and getting creative... shall have to sit down and do more work one of the weekends... maybe get sean to come over and juz chill... haha...

anyway... i've got 2 pictures for backup... shall have to take some more pictures over the weekend and show them to kwee hoon by tuesday... then she can go get it blown up into 8R for us... hope the sun comes out within the next few days... i shall attempt to do chrysanthemums and go do the architecture assignment also.. that one's up soon... 13th feb...that one might get postponed too... see how la... now that julio's home... i can go do at my own pace... just give me 1 day of sunlight! then i can at least finish 2 assignments...

*flustlation lo

din noe what got into me yesterday morning... woke up all frustrated and mind was all cloudy... literally cloudy... coz all i had in my head was this image of nothing but muck... u noe wat i mean... so i went to sch for journalism tutorial... we had to critique work... how to critique when my head isnt working? xiao ah? *juz sneezed and mucus flew*...

i need to go buy junior a new screen protector soon...

so back to sch... i was feeling realli miserable in class... wanted to cry and all... but din coz i havent cried since... err... a year or so alreadi... so its all screwed up... supposed to have psycho lecture but din go in the end... came home and showered... then decided i cldnt stay at home... went out wif my sis to united sq to get stuff... then ended up buying the peter malick group ft. norah jones album... pretty good... anyway...

then i went out to mt faber wif sean... coz i felt miserable still and needed to get out... i'd call it a date... we had drinks (actualli 1 each... and his margarita was lousy... i juz had henessey) then we took a walk downhill... VERRRRY cold walk... it felt like a low 20s kind of temperature... i was in t-shirt and berms... chattering away... and we both needed to use the loo... so we walked rather briskly down... haha... got to the main road... waited for cabs that DID NOT STOP... or was occupied... we decided to take a bus down to chinatown... then used a toilet in a nearby coffeeshop.... ended up at maxwell food centre for grilled stingray and kangkong... then we walked somemore... strolled down all the way to esplanade park... chatted somemore... then he sent me home... and that was almost 1 am...

yes... if u noe my timetable and notice the time of this post... i skipped my psychology tutorial... coz if i went.. i'd be grumpy still... i'd rather take my 1 day off... sleep a little more... and feel better.... which i do now... heh... ah well... its kwee hoon later... i'm still decidding which pic to use... but i'm certainly not reshooting the pictures... coz i returned the camera alreadi... now for lunch... tata

my first photography assignment

alright... i'm taking photography for this semester... and so here i am putting up some of the pictures for viewing... apparently... NONE are good enough for the first assignment... and when i asked the tutor "so cannot ah"... she said "got money or not"... and i'm like "ang bow money lor"... then she said "no choice then choose from these lor"... and so i WILL! you be the judge... are they really that bad? i'm shrunken them down and chosen the nicer ones...


cheryl, sarah, tania, me
(not for submission la...
nothing to do with patterns in nature or man-made objects..
but our clothes match quite nicely...)


Nikon FE.. the unfixable granddaddy camera...


Red flower... some have expressed their liking for this picture...


ancient ceiling lamp... not in contention either


nikon lens from the f80... i tot it was pretty bland...
but she likes it... difficult to please artists leh...


1 mushroom


2 mushrooms... i loved this one...
but she kept saying NOT SHARP enough... they're mushrooms!
how sharp can it be! and its quite nice to look at isn't it! say
this not focussed that not focussed... whatever la...


oren


wooden windchimes


my proposed submission... how?
i cropped this from one of the pictures...
i think its ok la...

what happened?

ok... yesterday i finally did my per comm journals....

then went to khimmy's in the evening when the rain died down a little... collected his old phone for my mum to use... yes my mum has finally succumbed to using the handphone... haha... then as God would have it.. it started raining heavily... so i cycled in the rain again... from his place...

then sean asked me out to go drinking... and dunno wat got into me... i agreed... i never liked crowds anyway... but i went... next time i shud remember that people are fashionably late... well he was... we were supposed to meet at 830pm... he arrived at 9... we went to rouge... but left coz the "reserved" seats were taken by some other people... then we went over to zouk... wine bar or sumthing... met his frens... onli remember 1 of their name... talked quite a bit wif sean... had 2 whiskey sours... then decided to come home b4 the midnight charge set in... haha... they went on to velvet... had a pretty nice time...

the LOUSY part came with the dream... it just really made me upset... as per all my freaky dreams... i cannot remember most of it now... bits and pieces such as me storming out of the house to go walk in the rain... having a fight with people... being rebellious and all... all the dreaming got me really agitated... and i woke up thrashing around in bed... really sucked...

i wonder whether there'll be sun today... supposed to go phototaking wif the girls for the photography assignment... i've got 21 exposures left on this roll... and i have to return the lens tomorrow... horrible... if weather allows i'll go do the architecture or the night shots.. maybe do the night ones tonight... finish up the roll and go get them developed tomorrow...

human

Come on, baby, dry your eyes
Wipe your tears
Never like to see you cry
Won't you please forgive me ?

I wouldn't ever try to hurt you
I just needed someone to hold me
To fill the void while you were gone
To fill this space of emptiness

I'm only human
Of flesh and blood I'm made
Human
Born to make mistakes

So many nights I longed to hold you
So many times I looked and saw your face
Nothing could change the way I feel
No-one else could ever take your place

I'm only human
Of flesh and blood I'm made
Human
Born to make mistakes

I am just a man

Please forgive me

The tears I cry aren't tears of pain
They're only to hide my guilt and shame
I forgive you now I ask the same of you
While we were apart I was human too

I'm only human
Of flesh and blood I'm made
I am just a man
Human
Born to make mistakes

in a drunken stupor

"my shattered dreams and broken heart are mending on the shelf..."

how true how true... exactly how they are right now... and its not like i'm not ready to move on or anything like that... its just that i have moved on... but i can't seem to let it go... its just stupid isn't it... fuck it realli... after that bastard of a boyfriend... i just can't seem to reconcile with myself on this issue... on one hand i so want to get into a serious relationship and be committed to it... on the other i find it all a huge burden... something that i cannot put on my shoulders again... i find persons that i want to take care of... people who i think i can be comfortable with... and they just take me on a ride and tell me... or in other unspoken ways... show me that we're not supposed to be... and most of the time... they're scorpios... haha... its always that undefinable, mystical link that's working on my mind... fuck it you know... fuck it all... so what do i do? whine alot and get some attention... sucks shit but what to do? i need attention and this is how i get it... haha... be a whiney idiot and wait for sympathy... someone asked me to be his "dear" today... and i just had to give him an outright "no"... its just not going to happen again... never... khimmy asked me again the other night when we were on the phone... and i told him "can't, not now"... i hope they understand... but then again.. i never did explain in full... there's a huge hole somewhere and its no one can plug it up...(yes i can see tania thinking "God can fill up that void there." heard it already ok?)

"while the sun shines on you, i need some love to rain on me..."

i don't really get drunk... drunk to me is to loose consciousness... cannot walk in a straight line... and cannot drive... right now i am conscious... i can definitely walk in a straight line... and i did drive a little just now... my kind fren let me drive his uncle's benz... its sooo powerful and so smooth... beautiful i tell you... but back to my whining.... I AM NOT DRUNK! i admit i might have a minor drinking issue... well it started in NS... when i was with the fucking bastard ex of mine... everytime we fight... i get upset... i give in to him... and i turn to drinking... that instantly perks me up and life carries on... it works! but for kiddoes out there... dun hor... dun start... those going NS or in NS... dun start coz there's plenty of cheap beer to tempt you.. seriously...

"i've got to put you out of my mind for the very last time..."

no reward for guessing what song i'm listening to right now... hahaha

for the records... not in chronological order

1st girlfriend... geraldine aka geri... she's a wonderful girl... and she still is... it was my stupidity and selfishness that ended the relationship... if it didn't end... maybe we'd still be together... maybe not... but somehow i guess if we were still together... life would be much different for both of us...

2nd girlfriend... caiying... we got together when we were both at our most vulnerable... there was already attraction during our jc days... i guess we just had to live it out or the tension would still be there... probably up till today... but we got together at the wrong time... our work commitments soon overtook our commitment to one another... guess it just wasn't the right time... i still hope that she's well taken care of...

1st bf... ray... back when i was much younger and less wise... such a strong soul... it was him taking care of me instead of i taking care of him... especially when i can see that he needs it more than i do... he's the sweetest person i've ever been with... and he still remembers the sweetest things that went on... i feel the most guilt for not giving him all that i can give... if there's anything at all that i can do for him... i definitely will... cause i owe him too much...

2nd bf... xinwei... short relationship... cutest guy... sweet boy that i so wanted to "father"... but i guess it just didn't go the way it did... so there...

3rd bf... mezraq... the bastard bf as per mentioned before... i gave up so much... i gave in so much... i literally changed my lifestyle... and my life... just for him... partly because of my greed for a better life... which he so promised... and lied about thereafter... but i admit i also put in all my emotional strength into the relationship... and it really drained me... every single drop of my being... and the day i found out that everything was a lie... and my everything was betrayed... i lost it all... it didn't matter what he's given me... coz they're all material... they will all spoil or decompose and everything will be gone... but all that i've given him cannot be returned... and till this day... they're not found yet...

the 3 girls that i've really liked but was not fated to be with...

leona... while in secondary school... she was my classmate's girlfriend... we just clicked... night s and nights of talk proved that we had something special between our minds... she's intelligent... funny... sexy... everything that i had wanted at that point in time... and she probably still is... but she made her choice and nothing i can do to change that...

claudia... jc classmate... but never really dared to like her till last year... she's intelligent, witty, sensual, sophisticated, spiritual... the type that i'd like to be the mother of my children... but i wasn't the type to be the father of hers... but she's still a dear friend... and will always be... she's welcomed to stay in my garage anytime...

*****, she probably knows who she is... and so do some people... a breathe of fresh air... a joy to be with... of course... she's intelligent as well... i'd like to label her "the sunshine"... coz that's how she is.... just brightens up your day with a smile... not that i know her that well... but i guess it never will be... so i'm goin to have to put her on the list of "cannot-gets"... but i guess i will just watch over her... just to make sure she's not hurt in anyway... and if she does... i juz hope to be the mattress (albeit a thin one) to help cushion the fall... just some simple hopes...

have i said too much?
wouldn't it be good to just wake up and forget it all?
or just forget it all?
forget about the waking up too.

i just told kenji today again... my suicide story

once when i was fighting with my bastard ex over the phone... while i was in brunei... and he refused to answer my call... and i got real fucked... so when he finally called... i took out my prescriptive anti-depressants and swallowed all 11 of it... that would be 11 times more than the prescribed dosage... and i told him that i did that... coz he alwez claims he swallowed panadol to attempt suicide... and he panicked... and then he kept apologising and asked me to go see a doctor... and i refused... and i said something to him before i switched off my phone... ok... this part might be blurry coz the drugs were taking effect alreadi... then i told my colleagues wat i did.. and i'm going to sleep... and sleep i did.. all through the day and night... in that dreamless sleep... that dreamless sleep which is likened to death... it was the most peaceful i've been in the longest of times... coz while i was with him.. i was filled to the brim with anger... and i did eventually wake up... like 15 hours later the next day... too bad i can't get those drugs now... i sure need it again...

that's what i need to do now...
wipe it all off.... start with a clean slate...
but there are just some stuff that have been etched so deeply on it...
some stuff that can never be wiped off that easily...
oh stop being so fucking drama lennel
you just want fucking attention
stop being an asshole
you're doing it right now!
so is it right to do this at all?
i shall retire now

thoughts

that's my little cousin, sherman.... he's a strange little fella... talks to himself... in his little language... most of us are finding it hard to catch up with what he's saying everytime... alwez hyper active... but he's SO ADORABLE!... i overheard my aunts saying that i "jin siok ngow kia"... which roughly translates as "likes kids very much"...

which brings me to the discussion for today...
what the hell am i supposed to feel? hahaha... and what do i want...
since my older cousin is already married... i'm next in line to feel
the pressure from all the aunts to find a girlfriend and settle down...
so there...

i have not completely rejected the idea of marriage... but it comes with a few pre-requisites... i need to have a stable enough career first... and have quite a bit put aside before i will actually go and think about getting married... blame that on the childhood i had... but that's another long story which i will not talk about...

so heck...

ok.. i'm seriously sneezing now... shall STOP talking about this for now...

1st day of new year was spent visiting...
3rd grandaunt... then 2nd grandaunt... then daddy's sister... then to the rendezvous point in bukit timah where all of my mum's siblings gather each year for "gossip-rama"... and "makan-mania"... was kinda under the weather the whole day... din realli feel like talking... then after a bottle of hoegaarden... the words started to flow... haha... i have not counted my takings this year... coz its realli quite insignificant... every year you get angbaos... and it just means u're another year older... so whatever you take is just some spare cash... and by the way i'm spending... it won't last past february... haha... i've got to get the camera fixed... get a suit... get a new pair of shades... and after new year... chop off my hair again... and maybe get it streaked... since i have no one to pamper... and no one to pamper me... i shall pamper myself... so there... and NO ONE come tell me what i should do...

strange thing... people are suddenly wanting to meet up with me... i mean my old friends and stuff like that... is it the case that "by fate"... these people "feel" a need to meet up with me... and then sometime later... suddenly they read on the papers that something has happened to someone and they go... "omigod he's gone... i shud have met up with him then..." hahahaha

jo n jo

jo and jo

rain rain go away

Image1 = hokkien: neng liang lang... (bla bla bla) ji gi xio hor suaaaa
Image 2 = for the uninitiated... it says "buy back good/spoilt hand CHICKEN"...

had a LONG day... started with a meeting for "project CA" at 930... then lecture from 11 to 1... then lunch... then lecture from 3 to 5... then meeting again... then lecture from 6 to 7... then went to sim lim wif ness and jo.da.bo to get ness' all in one printer... couldn't find the HP 1210... so she got a lexmark one... helped her lug it all around... ate BK for dinner... walked in the rain to get her a cab... waited for almost half an hour for my bus... came home.. showered... and here i am again... now going to write an outline for my journalism assignment... shall bitch about the lack of taxis in singapore... thankfully class starts 11 tomorrow morning... so can sleep till 9... hungry now... goin to get food... and get back to work... *sigh*

something's happening

"something's happening
and i know its going on
something's brewing in my mind
and it may be something wrong"

ok... how can someone say that he's going crazy? most people can't even tell whether they're having a cold or having the flu.... haha...

i'm adjusting to singlehood again... and everytime i do... i can't help but want to get attached again... for all the fucking wrong reasons... but who cares right?... its my own life and i ruin it my own way... i think everyone ruins their own lives to a certain extent... until something happens and slaps them hard in the face... that something is called reality... right or not?

"just like a white winged dove
sings her song
sounds like she's singing
WHOOO WHOOO WHOOOOOOO"

my poor drybox is half full... when on earth is my FE2 going to come home... i sure hope the 200mm lens gets fixed... i have called them my family heirloom... haha... shall keep it in good condition and pass it on back to my uncle's kids when they're old enough to use it... until then...

"SAFRA members get 20% off drinks
(housepours and draught
at The 1 Nite Stand Bar and Comedy Club"

back to the relationship thing... after some thinking about my state of relations... or rather lack of relations... i have concluded... that for now and until an unknown point of time... i am unable to commit to a proper relationship that requires me to make a conscious effort to love someone... in other words... i fucking don't care about loving someone anymore... these days its either that i like someone that i'm not supposed to like... or there's someone i can like but cannot love... you know there's a difference between liking someone or loving someone... when i want to try and love someone... i just fall flat on my face... sux doesn't it... i know some people say don't give up so easily... but its not easy at all...comprende? and for those who have had less dramatic episodes in their relationship career... ur advice is as precious as wooden nickels buried under ten thousand tonnes of muck... why bother to dig it up and waste it?

"back when i was a child...
before i've removed all the innocence...
my father would lift me up...
and dance with my mother and me...
and then spin me around till i fell asleep...
then up the stairs he would carry me
and I knew for sure I was loved..."

but i never said i have given up hope that one day i will find a woman to love and give my all to and have children... i may have only had a father for 17 years... but i want to be someone's father for a lifetime...

"will you ever get married?
yea i will i suppose
if the right one comes along
and if i'm financially stable enough"

oh yea.. i still have not been able to cry... so that makes almost 1 year of no-tears... which is really detrimental to my mental health... does drinking kill your tear ducts?... maybe there will be some "scientific study" someday that will warn us all of that... haha... i just used to break down and cry in my gf's arms when i was really stressed out... that kept me sane for the longest time...

"i was here u were there
guess we never could agree
while the sun shines on you
i need some love to rain on me
still i sit all alone
wishing all my feeling was gone
gotta get over u
nothing for me to...."

yea i guess this can be listed as one of my theme songs... haha... someone just said the other day that this song just reminds her of me... how true how true... just had an idea... i shall burn this song on a cd... play it on repeat... bring the cd out with my camera early one morning and go take photos... lots of photos... and call the series "as the dawn breaks"... maybe on a sunday morning... real quiet...

tania

now a quiz for u!

my turn to rip off this quiz... post ur replies in my comments box pls...

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

my gosh!

i might as well turn this into a photoblog...

anyway... highlights... or low points...

yesterday had photography tutorial... my gdness... it was like attending a comedy show... the tutor kept forgetting stuff... and walked in and out of the class... then she talked to the lenses and tripod and mumbled... and fumbled around with the tripod... it was soo damn hilarious... but she's a nice lady so we shan't comment any furthur on that...

then today we had her lecture... my gdness... she din know it was a 2hr lecture slot... she tot it was 1 hr and so was rushing through... and then when she realised... she remembered tats why she rushed thru last week to finish in 1 hr...

last night i went for a trim... hair is lighter now.. as in not as thick... so feeling quite alright... going shopping wif mum again later tonight... shall buy more stuff...

here are today's picturezzz

marilyn's art appreciation class project...
i call it "woman's lib"


my new magazine... grain
about local photography...
i'm so psyched!


ame's badges...


my watch

picturezzz

schooldays can be so boring... nothing spectacular to write about... but here are some pictures to entertain...


some shutter lock in tampines mall...


from the couch on the 6th floor next to the office...

anyway... i sent my camera in for servicing already... if they can find the parts for the 200mm lens... then it will cost me 525 in total... if not... then its only 294... i'd rather they fix it... haha

so so tired

ok i have to get back to eating my gingko pills again... energy level going downhill again... so let's see what has happened...

yesterday i went to khimmy's place... got him a bicycle pump from muji... coz his bike is from muji and they wun take anything else... so yea... went to collect his old desktop and printer for my uncle... met his fren andy and his NEW DATE(!!)... whose name i din get... haha... suddenly felt relief knowing that he's moved on...
lugged everything home on a cab... thankfully sis and her bf came down to help carry the stuff up... came home... lazed arnd... watched tv... then slept... late as usual...

today.. woke up early to go sch and print notes... then tania ask me to go up and see mr toh... he wanted to set up a home network thingie... was using dlink so i din noe wat was the matter... told him i'll check for him... then went to lecture... was feeling rather sleepy thru out... coz it was a very dry subject... then saw mr toh AGAIN... this time for the project with IT school... and then lunch break... then lecture... brain was already dead by then... then jo dragged me all over the office.... to accompany her... then i bought ame ice cream... then came home... cooked sze chuan soup for dinner (canned)... juz came back from the grocery store... went to buy milk... now juz starting to stone out again...cannot study... brain is not working at all...

tomoro morning will have to go to nikon to send the camera in for servicing.. then rush to school for tutorial at 11... hopefully can make it in time... discovered that this camera is pretty damn good!... haha... i hope this is a worthwhile investment...

here are some photos from today...


her majesty, jolene, queen of paparazzi


me and tania... my nostrils looks larger than normal... bad bad...


darling ness with her bowl of rice and mound of cockles... and a close up of the cockles...


tania the big-headed


ok here's wats happened today... woke up late... watched spongebob... watched some variety show on cable... then ate nasi lemak-ish food for lunch.... went out arnd 3 sumthing... walked arnd parkway parade... bumped into tania... went to church... got bored by the new pastor... went for dinner wif ness, jo and tania at this place called "the cave" at parkway parade.... had satay, sambal "overcooked" stingray, fried sambal fish and cockles... and also the place has a really bad design for the entrance... its motion detectors are obscured by the cylindrical signboard... a baby's head nearly got clamped by it... i shall go find someone to email and complain about it... then came home... showered... and now i'm here... was supposed to change the bedsheets at home but mum din take them out... so shall do it tomorrow then...

i am going to spend 500buckeroos fixing my old vintage camera so that I can use them... it shall be my first vintage camera then... and i told mummy tat i wanna get a drybox to put everything in once they are in gd condition... shall have to take on more projects to fill up the drying bank account... i'm beginning to feel poor again! erks...

what if?

here something for you to respond to:

what if one day, you called my handphone and someone else picked it up, telling you that i am dead? like committed suicide or something like that...

1. what will your response be?
2. what do you think is the reason i killed myself?
3. what do you think is the worst/best thing that comes out of my death?

write your response in the comments box pls...

an overall state of sadness

about last nite...

went out wif mum and sis to chinatown to do some new year outfit shopping... sis got plenty of stuff... mum got a new pair of shoes... i was looking for a pair of sunglasses... but cldnt find any... so we went to bugis... paris miki had sunglasses but they were too narrow for my face... as were all the rest on display... then we walked down to bugis village... i got 2 t-shirts... one pink and one red... sis proclaimed that the theme for us this year is pink outfits... so yea.. all 3 of us are going pink this year... came home real sleepy... drank some soup and went to bed...

went to nikon this morning...

damn it... the old cameras cannot be fixed... coz they're too damn old... went to nikon this morning, with the 2 cameras and 5 lenses in tow... took a cab coz i din noe where it was... ended up riding around bukit merah... and found the place in a housing estate... sheesh... cab fare came to 9bucks plus...

well... the older one cannot be fixed coz they dun have the parts anymore... the other one can be fixed but it costs 110... the longest lens costs 220 to fix coz of the horrendous growth of fungus within... the rest of the lenses juz requires cleaning... and its about 50bucks each... so its goin to be about 500 plus bucks to get everything in working order... so mum sez might as well get a new camera... which will come out of my own money... and then i have to buy a suit sooner or later.. which means i'll be broke again... there...

anyway.... went out this morn... then came home... slept... and woke up on the wrong side of the bed again... well there's only 1 side i can wake up on... so yes i'm in a bad mood again... this mood swing thing is really getting out of hand... and the hair is getting into my eye... and this and that and fuck it all... hahaha

i am such an angry person now! hahaha

and whatever's going on inside isn't matching with what's going on outside...

i am so going to screw myself up sooner or later!
argh!

oh yea.. i watched "the rose" drama thingie this afternoon... all about love this and love that... and i just wanted to cry... but couldn't... so yea... haha... i am starting to hate this conflicting moods thingie...

handphone pictures

now that my dear junior is bluetoothed... here are the pictures i've taken so far with the tiny camera...

ame and marilyn, jo and nessa, me and jo, jo, nessa




mum and me, mum and sis

the return of the thing

ok.. i'm back... well i left on january 2nd... and today is the 8th... wondering where i've went? well no where actually... just been through some really highs and lows in a matter of a week's time... i hope some of you are thinking what has happened during my leave of absence... well here's what went on in brief...

khimmy and i stopped "dating"... i decided that we couldn't carry on... excuse being that we're both going to be very busy and will barely have time for one another... reason being that i can very well see what the outcome of our "fights" will be... his personality doesn't really match well with my volatile nature... so i guess to lessen his worries and prevention is better than cure... so there... we're friends now...

have been helping ernest with some photography stuff and designing... coz he's got a doll convention thingie to go for in hongkong... i think he's still there enjoying himself... we did some really wild pictures for him to showcase his works... too bad i cannot put them up here coz they are trade secrets... haha

during these few days... i came to realise something... ever since the bastard ex of mine... i cannot feel the same way i did for someone as in the past... i mean.. i can't feel "love" for anyone... i can barely say the word... actually i don't say that word and mean it anymore... because i think i'm shutting that feeling away for good... why do i think so? well there's this guy i met at nicholas' birthday party... we hit off pretty well... and we went out a few more times after that... then he dropped the bomb on me... telling me that he's not ready for ANYTHING at all... then i was really upset... but then i didn't feel love for him... more like a strong liking... but why did i feel so miserable? then i did some recollection... with the last gf... it was really more of a strong liking too... same with khimmy... i didn't really "love" anyone at all... and at the rate this is going... i doubt i will love anyone anytime soon...

actually... the day that fella dropped the bomb on me... i was really upset... and i stormed out of the house and... GOT A NEW PHONE! haha... since my darling classmates all agree that "retail therapy rawks!"... i gave it a try... so i traded in my 7210 (wif a slightly damaged headset, which the fella din see)... got myself a sony ericsson T610 in red... beautiful phone... then i had to get a usb bluetooth adapter for junior so that i can transfer files between the 2... now i have tiny pictures of people in my phonebook... haha... and i also bought a sweater from springfield... and the "school of rock" soundtrack... and 2 camera bags... and printer ink catridges... and i'm going back to being poor very very soon...

well school's started too... n my sleeping habits have NOT been changed yet... so i'm going to crash very soon... u noe how tat is... emotionally stressed people deprived of sleep = maniac... i'm very very sleepy as i type this coz i onli slept 5 hrs last nite... lessons so far so good.. but plenty of crap to read... and i'm not a reader... so i think its going to be hell soon... gotta spend lots on textbooks too... gotta decide which to buy though...

oh and 2 nites ago i was really upset... got into the angry mode again... and poor khimmy was at the butt of my tantrums... sorry khimmy...

well ame, marilyn, haikel, amin and i watched school of rock... its very nice... not a fantastic show but really entertaining... i love the stevie nicks track in the movie... "edge of seventeen"... just like the white winged dove singing a song... whooo whooo whooooooo

i'm not in the class as my crush anymore... sad isnt it? i hope she'll do well...

going to send my antique cameras for servicing tomorrow... hopefully they still work... one of the antique ones actually cost 490 still! my goodness... vintage cameras can fetch quite high a price eh? i shall keep them and take good care of all of them... provided we do get them serviced in the end...

oh... and the epiphany thingie... story goes... people tell me if i really want to experience the power of god... i just need to pray real hard and ask for him to show it to me... well i did... i prayed for something but it did not happen... so i wonder... i'm doing psychology this semester... and they mentioned "self fulfilling prophecies"... is religion a case of that? who knows... i shall keep on waiting then... but the belief that there may yet be someone up there is getting stronger... albeit by a miniscule level...

and i HATE blogger for being down the last few days... just when i REALLY wanted to scream... it goes down... and i have NO WHERE to scream out my thoughts... bah

spent yesterday fixing tania's wireless network.... she got a modem and linksys router... went to her place... went thru everything... i exchanged my usb wireless adapter for a VIP card which i'm giving to khimmy... sort of an apology gift... anyway... the setup just didn't work... and trials and errors later... concluded it was the modem that was faulty... so we went back to simlim (from yishun mind you)... got it exchanged... then her brother and his gf came down to pick us up in his impreza... and we went to thomson for a peranakan dinner... fantastic i tell you... i loved the pong tauhu soup... and also the lady's finger... yes i ate that... it was really good... for those who don't really know me... i'm extremely picky about my veggies... finally got the setup to work when we got back... so yea...

well... that's what's been happening... now i'm goin to go read the other blogs and see what's been happening to the others...

another thing... was talking to this fella called dan from borneo over icq... he sort of "counselled" me... and he tot tat i had depression... so he listed 5 of the symptoms that he remembered... and i have 4 out of 5 symptoms... haha...

oh ya... thanks to sam, dan and sean for listening... appreciated

hiatus

i'm going into recluse for the next few days... i think...
depends on when i'm recovered... probably will come
up with a new blog design too... cheerios

luv,
len

resolutions

okie dokie... happy new year folks... i'm starting to think that there's very less than 5 people who read this blog... so i'm doin the survey too... those who read this blog, please leave a comment... if it really is less than 5.. then i'm shutting it down totally...

someone told me that i should edit the design since its a new year... and that its time to get rid of the theme... well i'll consider it... i hope this year will be better than the last... more income... more love... less hate and anger... less depression... better results... more time with the family... less depression... i cant believe i'm watchin the fly II on tv now... its such a cheesy old show... so let me list some stuff down that i might want to accomplish this year...

1. exercise
2. better results
3. less drinking
4. less anger
5. more savings

ah well... who knows...